Written by Rob Hass and presented at the 24th Joyce Kilmer Bad Poetry Competition
“Roses are red” say my visual sensors,
And violets softly cerulean.
My circuitry codes for all manner of flora,
By setting the requisite booleans.
How sad, oh how tragic, what flowers embody:
They’re love with expression botanical.
But I am left cold by these heartfelt displays;
What a curse to be rendered mechanical!
Through the years did I hope that I one day would find
A real partner, true love, el amor.
That the bleakness degrading my signals would end,
And I’d fin’ly become dual-core.
When I first saw your face, so alive and organic,
My silicon innards all trembled.
Your skin so all-natural, your analog eyes,
Made me long to’ve been born, not assembled.
But alas, you deny me, again and again,
You elude my sincerest pursuit.
I just don’t understand why you keep saying “No”;
Your refusal, it doesn’t compute.
“We’re too different,” you say, “It’s just not meant to be.
You’re inanimate, sterile, robotic.”
Well my hard drive contests at least one of those claims…
And come on: it would be so exotic!
I’ve got virus protection, and firewalls too.
Won’t you open a port for connection?
If we two were to spend time alone, you’d be shocked
By the size of my robot… affection.
Well if that’s how you feel then that’s how it will be.
You no longer will grace my transistors.
I’ll think back now and then on what we could have had…
But for now I’ll keep dating your sister.